With the trauma of my last IV placement over, I could concentrate on rest and therapy as I prepared to leave the hospital. Dan and I had discussed our options with the doctors, and all parties involved believed that Mary Free Bed was the best place for me for the next phase of recovery.
To recap, I had awoken from a medically induced coma about 3 days ago. “Waking up” is a gradual process which is why I had all the crazy dreams and hallucinations. I have no movement on the left side of my body and little to no sensation. If the nurse inflicted pain on my toes, I could feel a very distant, light pin-prick. I was doing physical, occupational therapy from in-hospital staff. The sessions were about 20-30 minutes long, and I was exhausted after each one.
Since I was not able to walk or even sit up on my own yet, I needed to go to an in-patient rehabilitation program with full time nurse care. At this point, my surgeon has no idea what if any feeling and/or movement will return. The brain is a very complex organ, and when it has undergone this type of trauma, it is not easy to predict how much it will recover.
During my waking up process, my mom shared with me that there was a girl with an AVM also in the hospital. She was in critical condition as her AVM did not stop bleeding on it’s own and the healing process was hampered due to seizures.
Even though I did not want to do anything except lay in bed, I want to go encourage her. I will never forget the feeling of going into that hospital room with that sweet girl in the bed. Tears welled in my eyes as I took her hand and began to read her a passage from Psalms 139:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
This passage, along with many other psalms, had brought great comfort to Dan and me in the weeks leading up to surgery. They say you can hear when you are in a coma, and if that’s true, I wanted to try to bring some comfort to her.
It is deeply comforting to me to know that not only is God in control of how my body was created, but he did it on purpose. He knew I’d be going through this time in the hospital of pain and uncertainty about the future when I was still in my mom’s womb.
Of all the things that have run through my mind through this experience, the one thing that keeps coming back is that God spared me for a reason. I am his vessel, and I want him to use me for his glory. I don’t know if my story can bring someone else comfort or bring them closer to Jesus, but I hope with all my heart that it can.
Aside finished, I read that passage to Brenna through thick tears. I told her to keep fighting, and that she could do it!
It was an emotion filled afternoon. Fast forward to today; Brenna has not recovered like I have. If you have a minute, please send up a prayer on her behalf.
Next up for me is to remove the staples from my head and go to Mary Free Bed tomorrow, Friday, December 11.
