Hallucinations

Since these are obviously not reality, I cannot give a time order to you. I will just list them one by one. Put them occurring at any day/time that you chose. You’re guess is as good as mine!

** NONE of the events are real! Although you might guess that! **

1. Sleeping at “night” in the hospital: I am sleeping in my bed or trying to. I wake up a lot. My parents, Zach, Elyse, and Dan are all sleeping in the room together. I know I’m in the hospital, but this is more like a hotel. There is a room where Dan and I are sleeping then a room behind ours where my parents, Zach, and Elyse are sleeping on mattresses on the floor. One of the mattreses has a burgundy bottom sheet. During the night I try to amuse myself by looking around the room. One of the lights in the room has cover on it with the logo of the Kansas City Chiefs. I decide that the owner of the hospital must own the Chiefs and that is why their logo is on the lamp covers.
2. During the nights at the hospital, Dan is sleeping in a chair next to me. I know he is uncomfortable. I notice that there is a crib-like portable bed next to me. Why doesn’t Dan just sleep in that? I try to motion to him to get in and lay down, but I just can’t manage to communicate what is going on.
3. At night, the bugs come out. Seriously. They do. There were ants all over my bed. Flying bugs in the air, and they only came out at night. The flying bugs mostly stay in swarms in the corners of the room, but every once in a while the come fly around my head. I am not afraid enough to move in my bed, but I decide right then and there that when I walk out of this hospital, I am writing a nasty letter tell them of this health hazard. Really, they ought to clean these beds!

To be continued…

Feeding Tube

At this time, I am not aware of how much or little my body is functioning. The reality is it is more on the little than much… I could not move the left side of my body: leg, arm, face, fingers, toes, etc. I cannot feel touch, and I don’t remember if I am responding to pain at this time yet. I’ll get to that portion later. Just keep in mind through this post that I don’t realize what I can/cannot do.

The next event I remember is getting the feeding tube put in. It is so weird to think about because I think I was awake, eyes open, but it is a hazy memory. Hazy in how things looked and hazy in remembering the actual events.

My side of the story: I am sitting up in my bed. My mom is with me. We are in a clinic of sorts. There are a lot of people milling around, and I think they are all getting medical care. I am in a big open room.

The doctor comes to me and says we are putting a feeding tube in so that the nourishment can jump start the healing process.

I’m a little confused as I think I have just woken up from surgery. This would mean I ate about 24 hours ago. Why don’t they just let me eat?

The doctor asks my mom if she will get woozy watching this. She says no (my mom is a trooper!). I think she is holding my hand. The doctor tells me to relax and he begins putting the tube in.

Have you ever had a feeding tube put in through your nose? Not fun. I couldn’t relax. I tried to breath and swallow when they told me to, but it was so uncomfortable and painful at times. Somehow there was water in the beginning of the tube, and water going in your nose just isn’t right. I mean, you’re supposed to plug your nose when you jump in the water right? It hurts when water goes in your nose. It’s just not natural.

It took several attempts, but the crazy doc finally got it in.

Whew! Relax again, more sleep…

Real Story: This all took place in my room in ICU. I don't think anyone was there but my mom and the doc. This is just the beginning of the hallucinations!

Sometime later, I woke up to a portable x-ray machine in my room. They needed to make sure the feeding tube was in my stomach and not my lungs or something.

It is in the right spot. Whew, again! I did not want to go through that again!

More sleep…

Sometime in my drowsy state, I hear someone say that the formula for the tubes comes at 4 o’clock. My mind starts to race. How do I eat? How will I swallow? What if I choke? I clearly did not understand how this feeding tube business worked!

Dan is in my room. I somehow think it is near 4 o’clock. I can’t talk yet. I am VERY concerned about this whole feeding routine. I decide I must figure out how to eat. So I start to spell words out in sign language. One tiny problem, I don’t remember all the letters and Dan doesn’t know any of them. Good combination.

Dan figures out that I’m trying to tell him something, and he goes for the nurse. All the nurses are trained to know basic sign language. They can’t figure out what I’m trying to say either. Of course, I don’t try to sign “eat” or something basic like that. I try to spell out the whole sentence, “how do I eat?” Only problem is I can’t figure out “h.” Oh boy…

The nurses bring in some signs that have the alphabet on one side and basic functions on the other (roll over, nurse, light, turn on TV, etc.). So Dan goes through one by one to try to figure out what I need.

They are frustrated, and I am frustrated. I decide to give up and ask them to roll me over. Back to sleep…

Note: I’m positive now that the feeding tube was working the whole time I was trying to figure out how to eat. What a loon!

Waking up from a Coma

I did not know prior to the surgery that I would be put into a coma. It’s kind of weird waking up from it.

First memory:

Chunk! (think big level used to turn on stage lights)

BRIGHT red light is directly over my head shining in my eyes. (Hindsight tells me my eyes were closed hence the red. I think I was still in my ICU room.)

Dr. F.: Emily, do you want to get this tube out of your mouth?

I have a tube in my mouth? Huh, well, he sounds like getting it out is a good thing… I nod yes.

Dr. F.: Ok, you going to feel a little pull while we get the tape off. There’s some on your nose and your cheeks.

“Little pull” my hiney, that medical tape is the most lethal weapon they have at the hospital. I think all the captured terrorists would start talking really quick if they just put some medical tape on a hairy part of their body and RIP it off. Yep, that is the solution to world peace.

Dr. F.: Ok, Emily, when I count to three I need you to give me a big cough. Ok?

Cough? Why should I cough? I nod anyway.

Dr. F.: One, two, three!

A two-by-four is ripped deep out of my throat, so deep I wonder how I didn’t know it was there. I start coughing and gagging. So to make it worse, Dr. F sticks the suction tube down my throat. I do mean down my throat. Like, it was in my stomach. Seriously. I’m gagging and coughing. It was terrible.

Dr. F.: That was a great cough, Emily!

Gee thanks

Nurse: Don’t worry honey, he’s not going to put his sword down your throat again. You can rest now.

Sleep beautiful sleep….

AVM Surgery

I obviously don’t recall any of the information from this day. :) This is what Dan and my family has told me.

The surgery started bright and early on Thursday, December 3. The surgeon needed a fresh team as this surgery was predicted to last anywhere from 6 to 24 hours.

First the prep work, shave the incision area, make the incision, peal back the skin, open the skull, and we’re ready to begin the surgery (too much detail??). I don’t recall the time when they actually were ready to begin to take it out,  but it took a long time to prepare for that and an even longer time to take out the AVM. It was a very delicate procedure.

The AVM was even bigger than the surgeon had imagined. It was a big fella. The AVM was the size of an apricot but cone shaped like a banana pepper. The most difficult part was extracting the tip from deep down in the brain.

Dan and my parents waited at the hospital waiting room. Luke and Lacey held a prayer vigil at the church during the ENTIRE surgery. What a blessing! I can’t even tell you what a comfort and joy it is to think that so many people were lifting me up in prayer that day. It brings tears to my eyes right now to think of the prayer warriors at L&L’s church that didn’t even know me, but yet, they committed part of their day to bringing me before the ultimate Healer.

Can you imagine sitting in the waiting room? I can’t. I’m a worrier by nature. My mom says I get it from my dad. Here is another part where I see God’s mighty hand at work. I was not worried. I did get anxious before surgery, but the night in between and after (and the weeks leading up to surgery), God had me wrapped in peace.

Back to the surgery, my family got updates every few hours. Oh the pins and needles they must have been sitting on during that time.

Around midnight, Dr. Rob, the physician’s assistant, is going home. Dr. F. is still finishing up, but he can handle the rest. Sometime after 1pm, I’m all put bsack together and returned to my room in the ICU. To assist in the healing process, I was put into a medically induced coma.

Dan and my parents (I think L&L came too after the vigil) are allowed to see me in my room. My room is now a low stimulation room. They say you can hear what people say to you while you’re in a coma. I don’t know. I don’t remember. Those drugs are good you know?

Some 18 or 19 hours later, surgery is over. Now, the healing begins.

Opinions Needed

We have an open house on Saturday, and I am attempting to "stage" some rooms better. I am no interior designer by ANY means, so let me know what you think. Be honest, you won't hurt my feelings. :)

Dining Room Shelves Before:

Dining Room Shelves After:

Better? Eh?

Sorry about the picture quality. We need a new camera.

The reason for the change is to free up the big white frames for our bedroom. I want to do as much staging as possible with the things we already have.

Bedroom soon to come...

Embolization – Wednesday, December 2

The anesthesia used for the embolization and surgery has an amnesic quality to it. So even though I was “awake” going into both procedures, I don’t remember too much. The embolization procedure took place in the afternoon, and I couldn’t tell you anything about that morning.

As far as I know, the procedure went well. I think it took a little longer than they imagined, but they have to put the glue in REALLY slow. For those that don’t know, the purpose of this procedure is to block off all the arteries leading to the AVM to make the surgery that removes the AVM easier. For some people with small AVM, this is the treatment. The risk of surgery is too great for small AVMs. So they just cut off the blood flow, and the patient goes on with his/her life.  In my case, the doctor thought I had a medium to large sized AVM so it needed the whole nine yards.

Here is what I remember the night between the embolization and surgery:

1. Waking up. Waving my right arm to signal to Dan to roll me over. “Where do you want to face?” Point with my arm.  Rolling and stuffing of pillows. Lather, rinse, repeat. This happened over and over and over. Dan says I asked to be turned over every 10-15 minutes all through the night. I just couldn’t get comfortable.

2. While in the hospital, they put a monitor that measures your oxygen on your finger. It has a glowing red light on it. I waved this to get Dan’s attention throughout the night.

3. Notice, I couldn’t turn myself over. This might seem odd to you, but for some reason, it did not seem odd to me. Dan says that the embolization had already ceased the functioning on my left side. We don’t know exactly what caused it, but it was one or a combination of the following: swelling from the procedure, medication, or brain damage.

It is now Thursday morning, I don’t remember anything except rolling in my bed to the elevator talking to the nurse about Christmas shopping.

Surgery proceedings began early, maybe 7am or so. That’s all I know for a few days.

The Days Leading Up to Surgery

After you’ve been in the hospital for any amount of time, you loose track of the date, how many days you’ve been there, what happened on a given day, etc. It’s like time stands still.

The visitors I remember before surgery are my co-worker Whitney, her husband, Candice, and Jordan. I think Whitney came to visit a day or two before the embolization. She is such a sweetheart. I love her to death. We had a nice visit in my itty-bitty (but private!) regular room.

Speaking of rooms, I was moved back to a regular room to await surgery. No worries, nothing happens this time! Except bad roommates, Holy Cow!

Roommate #1 is very, very ill. Whatever she has causes her to vomit and call out for her family all the time. Remember, I am on bed rest, no blowing my nose, pushing out BM’s, etc (don’t you love all the details!). Throwing up is definitely out of the question. Dan finds the nurse, explains the situation and requests a room change. The nurse claims Roommate #1 isn’t contagious. I’m glad you think so, but you aren’t sleeping 4 feet away from her!.

We get a room change that night. Thank you, Lord!

We are in our new room for several hours before Roommate #2 arrives. She is a hysterically-cranky, sweet old lady. Her family is with her through the evening then leaves. We over hear the nurses doing their neuro-checks and cognitive tests with her. We can barely contain the laughter on the other side of the curtain. I think she answered every question in the most sarcastic manner possible.

Nurse: What day is today?

Roommate #2: How should I know?

Nurse: Why did you come here today?

Roommate #2: Some old fart brought me here.

I can’t remember all the things she said. The term “old fart” was used over and over in reference to anyone and everyone. Hysterical.

I don’t know how long we were in that room, but we were eventually brought to a private room once one opened. It was so tiny (as mentioned above), but SO nice to not have some stranger snoring next to you or waking you up in the middle of the night because she doesn’t know where she is. Poor lady.

The night before the embolization Candice and Jordan came to visit. What was so great about their visit, besides the company, was Candice did my nails. So fun! She gave me a wonderful manicure. My nails were a fantastic purple when she finished. I kept it on the entire time I was in the hospital and rehab. It really lifted my spirits when I looked at it.

That night I was progressively more and more anxious. I’d like to think I kept a pretty cool exterior, but I don’t know. Family, feel free to call me out. I remember someone says that when they were in the hospital, they got some meds for anxiety to help calm them down before the procedure. Eventually, I buzzed my nurse to ask for the same thing. I’m not sure what I got, but it definitely did not calm me down. I think the meds are either psychological or meant to prevent anxiety not treat it once you are anxious.

**I don’t remember this part, but Dan says I asked for it over and over again before the embolization. I was getting a little freaked out, ya know?**